TO BE OR NOT TO BE

To be or not to be, that is the question.

Now on my the seventh day after my mastectomy and prognosis of breast cancer, likely a stage 3, I find myself pleasantly surprised by one thing. I did not feel much pain, physically nor emotionally. I could not precisely remember when it happened, but when I started assuming a perspective of thankfulness, this episode in my life became easier to handle. Going into the operating room, I was a little optimistic that the tumor would again be benign. When I woke up seven hours after, the first thing Bong told me was that they had to take out my right breast as the tumor was malignant.

Turning forty on a hospital bed and in a daze, having just recently buried my mother who died by someone else’s mistake, myself a victim of some circumstances, there was never a moment to blame anyone or question God.

To be or not to be grateful, that is the question I never asked.

After all, my list of things to be thankful for just never seems to end.

First of all, I have been given a chance to assess my life, my values and my relationships, a chance that is naturally brought about by the prospect of death. Consequently, it has allowed me the time to change what I need to change and pursue what I need to. Many others who died through an accident never had that chance.

Of course there are the wonderful people who have unselfishly given everything they could to help me. I had five doctors who were with me during the surgery who gave their services for free. For someone who is rarely in the receiving end, it was heartwarming to know that these people really wanted me to make it. I also received so many calls and messages from people all over the world from people who, at some point in my life I had been associated with, to encourage me and pray for me.

This experience elevated my relationships with some people to a new level. Tita Maggie Hofilena, herself a cancer survivor, has become like a second mother to me. Emil and Tutti Salcedo have become my new personal heroes. Raquel and Rj are no longer just administrative assistants but my great friends. Joseph Idemne and Manny Gruenberg are now family.

It would seem like my battle has just begun. Chemotherapy, radiation treatment and many other procedures are now lined up for the next months. But, my mind is no longer there. I am now looking forward to beating this thing and allowing God to use me in whatever He has planned.

Meanwhile, I have asked Tita Maggie to already sign me up in their survivor group. I will be the youngest member, something to be thankful for, because I am hardly youngest of anything these days.