Results have just come in from the pathologist for my third biopsy.
Cyst status: BENIGN
September 25, 2007
September 22, 2007
HAPPINESS IN ILLNESS
There is a storm raging outside and finding this interesting article that was published last August 14, 2007 in the New York Times, is like a refreshing drink of hot coffee:
THRIVING AFTER LIFE'S BUM RAP
By JANE E. BRODY
Can getting cancer make you happy? For Betty Rollin, survivor of two breast cancers, there’s no question about it. In her newest book, “Here’s the Bright Side,” Ms. Rollin recounts:
“I woke up one morning and realized I was happy. This struck me as weird. Not that I didn’t have all kinds of things to be happy about — love, work, good health, enough money, the usual happy-making stuff. The weird part is, I realized that the source of my happiness was, of all things, cancer — that cancer had everything to do with how good the good parts of my life were.”
Her realization is hardly unique. I have met and read about countless people who, having faced life-threatening illness, end up happier, better able to appreciate the good things and people in their lives, more willing to take the time to smell the roses.
As Ms. Rollin put it: “It turns out there is often — it seems very often — an astonishingly bright side within darkness. People more than survive bum raps: they often thrive on them; they wind up stronger, livelier, happier; they wake up to new insights and new people and do better with the people around them who are not new. In short, they often wind up ahead.”
This is not to suggest that battling cancer is pleasurable. Frustration, anger and grief are natural reactions. Cancer forces people to put their lives on hold. It can cause considerable physical and emotional pain and lasting disfigurement. It may even end in death.
But for many people who make it through, and even for some who do not, the experience gives them a new perspective on life and the people in it. It is as if their antennas become more finely tuned by having faced a mortal threat.
As a woman with incurable ovarian cancer recounted this spring in The New York Times: “I treat every day as an adventure, and I refuse to let anything make me sad, angry or worried. I live for the day, which is something I never did before. Believe it or not, I’m happier now than I was before I was diagnosed.”
Sometimes such changes happen to those who live through the cancer experiences of others. My mother died at age 49 of ovarian cancer, and I went off to college thinking that every moment was precious, to be used productively both for personal betterment and for what I could offer to the world. At 18 I wrote a speech on preparing one’s own epitaph — about being able to say that however long your life, you lived it fully and made it count for something meaningful.
Now, 48 years later, as people I know succumb to intractable illness or sudden death, I am even more attuned to the need to savor every moment and do whatever I can to make the world a better place and nurture relationships with friends and family.
Michael Feuerstein, a clinical psychologist and author with Patricia Findley of “The Cancer Survivor’s Guide,” was 52 when he was told he had an inoperable brain tumor and was given a year to live. But Dr. Feuerstein didn’t die — he survived extensive debilitating treatment and gained a new outlook.
He wrote: “I now realize that I am fortunate. Now, after the cancer, I find I can more easily put life in perspective. I re-evaluated my workload, opting to spend more time at home. I take more time for what matters to me most: my wife and my children and grandchild. I also allocate time to better understand cancer survivorship from a scientific point of view, so I can help others in my situation translate this work into useful answers to the question, ‘now what?’ I am optimistic about the future and excited to leave my unique mark on the world.”
By JANE E. BRODY
Can getting cancer make you happy? For Betty Rollin, survivor of two breast cancers, there’s no question about it. In her newest book, “Here’s the Bright Side,” Ms. Rollin recounts:“I woke up one morning and realized I was happy. This struck me as weird. Not that I didn’t have all kinds of things to be happy about — love, work, good health, enough money, the usual happy-making stuff. The weird part is, I realized that the source of my happiness was, of all things, cancer — that cancer had everything to do with how good the good parts of my life were.”
Her realization is hardly unique. I have met and read about countless people who, having faced life-threatening illness, end up happier, better able to appreciate the good things and people in their lives, more willing to take the time to smell the roses.
As Ms. Rollin put it: “It turns out there is often — it seems very often — an astonishingly bright side within darkness. People more than survive bum raps: they often thrive on them; they wind up stronger, livelier, happier; they wake up to new insights and new people and do better with the people around them who are not new. In short, they often wind up ahead.”
This is not to suggest that battling cancer is pleasurable. Frustration, anger and grief are natural reactions. Cancer forces people to put their lives on hold. It can cause considerable physical and emotional pain and lasting disfigurement. It may even end in death.
But for many people who make it through, and even for some who do not, the experience gives them a new perspective on life and the people in it. It is as if their antennas become more finely tuned by having faced a mortal threat.
As a woman with incurable ovarian cancer recounted this spring in The New York Times: “I treat every day as an adventure, and I refuse to let anything make me sad, angry or worried. I live for the day, which is something I never did before. Believe it or not, I’m happier now than I was before I was diagnosed.”
Sometimes such changes happen to those who live through the cancer experiences of others. My mother died at age 49 of ovarian cancer, and I went off to college thinking that every moment was precious, to be used productively both for personal betterment and for what I could offer to the world. At 18 I wrote a speech on preparing one’s own epitaph — about being able to say that however long your life, you lived it fully and made it count for something meaningful.
Now, 48 years later, as people I know succumb to intractable illness or sudden death, I am even more attuned to the need to savor every moment and do whatever I can to make the world a better place and nurture relationships with friends and family.
Michael Feuerstein, a clinical psychologist and author with Patricia Findley of “The Cancer Survivor’s Guide,” was 52 when he was told he had an inoperable brain tumor and was given a year to live. But Dr. Feuerstein didn’t die — he survived extensive debilitating treatment and gained a new outlook.
He wrote: “I now realize that I am fortunate. Now, after the cancer, I find I can more easily put life in perspective. I re-evaluated my workload, opting to spend more time at home. I take more time for what matters to me most: my wife and my children and grandchild. I also allocate time to better understand cancer survivorship from a scientific point of view, so I can help others in my situation translate this work into useful answers to the question, ‘now what?’ I am optimistic about the future and excited to leave my unique mark on the world.”
A SECOND LIFE
When it comes to leaving a mark on the world, Lance Armstrong takes first prize. After surviving treatment for testicular cancer that had spread to his lungs and brain, Mr. Armstrong went on to win the Tour de France a record seven consecutive times.
“There are two Lance Armstrongs, precancer and post,” he recounted in his 2001 memoir, “It’s Not About the Bike: My Journey Back To Life.” “In a way, the old me did die, and I was given a second life.” He created a foundation to inspire and empower people affected by cancer, helping them live life on their own terms.
“Cancer was the best thing that ever happened to me,” he said. “I don’t know why I got the illness, but it did wonders for me, and I wouldn’t want to walk away from it.”
Likewise, Fran Lenzo wrote in the magazine Coping: “Breast cancer has given me a new life. Breast cancer was something I needed to experience to open my eyes to the joy of living. I now see more of the world than I was choosing to see before I had cancer. The things that once seemed so important, like keeping a clean home, are less important. My priorities now are to enjoy everything around me to the utmost. Breast cancer leaves me no time for personality conflicts, arguments, debates or controversy. Breast cancer has taught me to love in the purest sense.”
FINDING HAPPINESS
There’s no question that cancer, whether curable or ultimately fatal, changes lives. It forces some people to give up careers and may jeopardize their ability to earn a living. It leaves some people disabled and unable to pursue athletic or other ambitions requiring physical prowess. It leaves some people unable to bear or father children. Yet, time after time, even people who have lost so much find new and often better sources of fulfillment.
When it comes to leaving a mark on the world, Lance Armstrong takes first prize. After surviving treatment for testicular cancer that had spread to his lungs and brain, Mr. Armstrong went on to win the Tour de France a record seven consecutive times.
“There are two Lance Armstrongs, precancer and post,” he recounted in his 2001 memoir, “It’s Not About the Bike: My Journey Back To Life.” “In a way, the old me did die, and I was given a second life.” He created a foundation to inspire and empower people affected by cancer, helping them live life on their own terms.“Cancer was the best thing that ever happened to me,” he said. “I don’t know why I got the illness, but it did wonders for me, and I wouldn’t want to walk away from it.”
Likewise, Fran Lenzo wrote in the magazine Coping: “Breast cancer has given me a new life. Breast cancer was something I needed to experience to open my eyes to the joy of living. I now see more of the world than I was choosing to see before I had cancer. The things that once seemed so important, like keeping a clean home, are less important. My priorities now are to enjoy everything around me to the utmost. Breast cancer leaves me no time for personality conflicts, arguments, debates or controversy. Breast cancer has taught me to love in the purest sense.”
FINDING HAPPINESS
There’s no question that cancer, whether curable or ultimately fatal, changes lives. It forces some people to give up careers and may jeopardize their ability to earn a living. It leaves some people disabled and unable to pursue athletic or other ambitions requiring physical prowess. It leaves some people unable to bear or father children. Yet, time after time, even people who have lost so much find new and often better sources of fulfillment.
Recurring cancer and the extensive treatment it required forced Dr. Wendy Schlessel Harpham of Dallas to give up her beloved medical practice. So she turned her sights to writing, producing book after book that can help people with cancer achieve the best that medicine and life can offer them.
Dr. Harpham is a 16-year survivor of recurrent chronic lymphoma. In her latest book, “Happiness in a Storm: Facing Illness and Embracing Life as a Healthy Survivor,” she states: “Without a doubt, illness is bad, yet survivorship — from the time of diagnosis and for the balance of life — can include times of great joy among the hardships. You can find happiness. Chances are the opportunities for happiness are right in front of you.”
She suggests creating a “personal happiness list” to help you remember favorite pastimes and reintroduce former delights into your life. Or perhaps you might want to explore activities that in your precancer life, you thought you had no time for, like studying a foreign language, traveling for pleasure or spending more time with friends.
“You might need to explore different ways of seeing yourself and the world around you,” Dr. Harpham writes. “In doing so, you discover new types of happiness waiting to be tapped, such as the happiness of sharing invigorating ideas and nascent hopes with new friends, or the happiness of knowing love in a whole new way.
“Happiness in a storm,” she concludes, “is never about enjoying your illness but embracing your life within the limits of your illness, and figuring out how to feel happy whenever possible.”
Dr. Harpham is a 16-year survivor of recurrent chronic lymphoma. In her latest book, “Happiness in a Storm: Facing Illness and Embracing Life as a Healthy Survivor,” she states: “Without a doubt, illness is bad, yet survivorship — from the time of diagnosis and for the balance of life — can include times of great joy among the hardships. You can find happiness. Chances are the opportunities for happiness are right in front of you.”
She suggests creating a “personal happiness list” to help you remember favorite pastimes and reintroduce former delights into your life. Or perhaps you might want to explore activities that in your precancer life, you thought you had no time for, like studying a foreign language, traveling for pleasure or spending more time with friends.“You might need to explore different ways of seeing yourself and the world around you,” Dr. Harpham writes. “In doing so, you discover new types of happiness waiting to be tapped, such as the happiness of sharing invigorating ideas and nascent hopes with new friends, or the happiness of knowing love in a whole new way.
“Happiness in a storm,” she concludes, “is never about enjoying your illness but embracing your life within the limits of your illness, and figuring out how to feel happy whenever possible.”
September 20, 2007
FLOODS, RAIN AND SURGERY
Amidst the constant rains and flooding in our city, I had my minor surgery on Wednesday, to remove the new lump that I just discovered on my remaining breast just this last Monday. The whole procedure took about two hours. I just had it done in my doctor's clinic, with local anesthesia. This was a personal request from me as I have grown quite tired of the usual hospital protocol of having to go through the Emergency Room and about a dozen inquiring residents who all have the same set of questions to ask.The interrogation alone can be trying, to say the least.
My surgeon, Dr. Emil Salcedo just talked me through the operation, with a myriad of topics from mountain bikes, to siopao, to church politics. I was trying not to laugh too hard at his usual and somewhat satirical take on such things. I tried my best not to look at the incision he was working on, just a few inches below my chin, but the lure of the grotesque was just too much. I would sneak a look once in a while, but not too long as I always turn queasy at the sight of blood.Every time I would hear the snip of the scissors, I would recite the Panatang Makabayan in my head, to distract myself from the morbidity of its implications.
By the time I knew it, Emil was stitching me up. I went my way to the mall with my daughter who needed a new pair of shoes. After that we proceeded to the prayer meeting to kick off our church anniversary this year.
A half-centimeter lump was removed, with another half-centimeter of surrounding tissue all around, which I immediately submitted to the pathologist for biopsy. I will get the results next week.
September 18, 2007
ONE DAY AT A TIME
Once there was a man who would go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.
As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.
He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."
"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.
To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."
Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"
At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."
...
Today, I had another visit with my good doctor. I had just gone through a series of laboratory tests last week and all of them came up clear except for one. My breast ultrasound showed that I have a new lump on my other breast.
I was just trying to explain to a dear friend my sense of humor amidst this apparently daunting task of conquering cancer. Because she always knew me as one who was fretful and a perfectionist, the carefree attitude and positive outlook that I display these days are, for her, out of character. Having just dealt with the other lump I found a few weeks ago, she could not help but wonder if this would ever end…the searching, the finding, the removing of every little lump that grows in my body. How could I find happiness amidst all these, she asked.
I remember once, when Oprah Winfrey was asked how she runs five miles a day, she said, "I recommit to it every day of my life."
I
think happiness is like that.Every day we have to renew our commitment to assertively pursue happiness. It won’t just come to us. We have to make it happen, regardless of whether one is certain of a long life ahead or not. It is a choice we make to see the beauty of the things around us or focus on the little missing details, to run after the grandoise dreams or be happy with each moment with our loved ones.
It's a decision we need to make every single day.
Ironically, I can say that in between my doctor's visits and treatments, I have found my true pleasures. Now, everyday that comes is a new day to worship God..lavish love on my family...show kindness to whom I meet...find comfort in my husband's warm hand...play with the little kids from Nursery class...laugh at my friends' funny stories...savor that banana que I bought from the corner...spend that hard-earned peso shopping with Angela in SM City.
I have learned to find joy and own it as mine.
Tomorrow morning, I will go to the hospital for about an hour to undergo another surgery. But after that I will have the rest of the day to embrace laughter and hope again.
Much like the starfish thrower, I am doing it one at a time and that is how I think life should be lived, after all. One day at a time.
Until the days turn to weeks, the weeks to months, the months to many years.
September 16, 2007
DISTRESS AND SURVIVAL
Below is an article that I found on emotional wellness and cancer. It has offered me empowerment as I proceed with my journey.
MedWire News: Breast cancer patients with low levels of distress survive longer and have lower levels of disease recurrence than those with high levels of distress, study findings show.
Mogens Groenvold (The Department of Palliative Medicine, Bispebjerg Hospital, Copenhagen, Denmark) and colleagues report that emotional function and fatigue are significant independent predictors of recurrence free and overall survival, after accounting for biological variables such as menopausal status, estrogen receptor status, tumor biology, lymph node status, and adjuvant therapy use.
The researchers analyzed data from 1588 breast cancer patients who filled out the EORTC (European Organisation for Research and Treatment of Cancer) QLQ-C30 quality of life questionnaire 2 months after their primary operation.
They measured psychological distress using the emotional functioning and fatigue items, with severity rated on a score of 0-100, where 100 shows highest level of functioning.
Information on clinical and pathological variables including time to recurrence and survival time was obtained from the Danish Breast Cancer Cooperative Group register. Patients were followed-up until March 2005, with a median follow-up time of 12.9 years.
An emotional function score of 83-100 was associated with a relative risk of 0.80 for recurrence-free survival and 0.81 for overall survival, compared with an emotional function score of 0-75. Meanwhile, a fatigue score of 33-100 was associated with a relative risk of 1.32 for recurrence-free survival and 1.23 for overall survival, compared with a fatigue score of 0-22.
Groenvold and colleagues comment in the journal Breast Cancer Research and Treatment: "The finding that both fatigue and psychological distress were associated with the risk of breast cancer recurrence and death is intriguing and raises conceptual and methodological questions."
The researchers propose two possible interpretations. Firstly, patients who do not experience psychological distress maintain a strong immune system that subsequently leads to better cancer resistance, they suggest. This they refer to as the "mind-body model." Alternatively, a lack of psychological distress may reflect mental as well as physical robustness. This they refer to as the "robustness model."
Irrespective of the mechanism underlying the negative effect of distress on breast cancer outcome, the researchers state that effective interventions against psychological distress and/or fatigue should be "available for all breast cancer patients to improve their quality of life as an end in itself."
SOURCE: www.breastcancersource.com
September 2, 2007
BOUNCING BACK
After a series of consultations with my doctors, we have all agreed that I will wait a little longer and observe the lump I recently found on my mastectomy site. It is too soon after radiation treatment to go under the knife. The risk of the wound not healing well is too great. Thus, I have no choice but to wait out the recommended four more weeks and just observe the little nuisance closely.
In the meantime, I just came across an article about resilience. It defines people with resilience as those who harness inner strengths and rebound more quickly from a setback or challenge. These are the people who have the ability to say to themselves, "OK, this bad thing happened, and I can either dwell on it or I can learn from it."
I have decided that this setback will not hinder me from believing that I am already healed. It will not keep me from declaring God’s goodness in my life. It will not hold me back from celebrating life with zeal and hope.
If I overcame a lump before, I can overcome another one again.
In the meantime, I just came across an article about resilience. It defines people with resilience as those who harness inner strengths and rebound more quickly from a setback or challenge. These are the people who have the ability to say to themselves, "OK, this bad thing happened, and I can either dwell on it or I can learn from it."I have decided that this setback will not hinder me from believing that I am already healed. It will not keep me from declaring God’s goodness in my life. It will not hold me back from celebrating life with zeal and hope.
If I overcame a lump before, I can overcome another one again.
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