AGONY AND ECSTACY

I was in the hospital lobby today, minding my own business as I waited for my turn at the CT scan room. I was waiting to have another check to see if the malignant tumor that was removed from my brain a month ago did not leave any unwanted trail marks. To be honest, I was trying to ward off discouragement and fear while I also struggled with the constant pain in my left ear. I guess, after so many lab tests, I still had not mastered the anxiety that thinking about the lab results normally bring.

I was hungry, impatient and worried, very close to a tamtrum. My husband and my son were trying to amuse me in vain.

Agony would have been too simple a word to describe my disposition.

As I wallowed in self-imposed misery, I looked up to see my cousin walk in. She sat beside me and proceeded to tell me that she had just found a lump on her breast and was there for a mammogram. Pray for her, a voice prompted me. How could I, was all I could think of. I nudged Bong and whispered to him to pray for her but he was talking to someone so she and I ended up talking about forgettable things. After a few moments of chit-chat, she stood up and proceeded to the mammography room. She came out a few minutes later to tell me that the doctors were on Holy Week break and so she had to wait five more days to have the necessary tests done. By then I could almost tangibly feel the fear that she must have felt upon having to wait longer, the same one I felt the first moment that cancer became a possibility in my life two years ago.

I put my arm around her and started praying for her, that God’s peace and supernatural joy would come upon her during the waiting time. I prayed for His healing touch for her body. I proceeded to share with her about God’s promises of healing and about His grace and great love for His children.

Having done all these, a supernatural joy came upon me in an instant. My faith suddenly rose up for my own healing. As God performed His work on the two of us, we both broke down in tears as well as hope.

This incident reminded me of a statement I once read, that when we are fighting a battle, if we will give out of our need, God will cause our answer to come to us quicker.

What ecstasy we have in knowing and receiving the wonderful grace of God as we give in our time of need. His word promises,

Pray for one another, that you may be healed.
James 5:16

ROUND THREE

The unofficial biopsy result is out that the mass removed from my brain a few weeks ago was malignant. The good news is that it was well-defined and removed totally by my neurosurgeon. The challenge now is to keep our toes up and make sure that the growth of more tumors will stop.

The difference between my two operations is that on the first one, I was fighting the battle on intellect, logic and reason. This time, I am on full faith mode, that God has already orchestrated my total healing.

The first few days out of brain surgery, I could not think clearly. There were even times when I thought that I was seeing a garden of flowers in heaven right on the ceiling of my hospital room. Once, I had to write down my name and my kids' names and birthdays on a notebook for fear I will always forget them. Gradually, my memory started to come back and I realized that the handsome man sleeping on the couch by my bed is actually my husband (right, Sis. Beth?). I had been alternating between hope and depression for most of the time and ironically became focused and determined again once I found out that the tumor was malignant.

Many prayers have been said and many prophecies have been given. For sure, this experience has only brought me even closer to an understanding of God’s grace and an openness of His purposes in my life that are yet to be fulfilled.

One encouraging text message I received just now, which I feel really speaks to me in this new chapter of my life: Often the most trying times are the most beneficial to our Christian growth. Consider Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. Remember Moses and the trials he faced. If you read the Scriptures, you will hardly find anything about the easy times. All the glories came out of the hard times. If you are really to be reconstructed, it will be in a hard time...at a time when you think all things are dried up.

Do stand with us in faith that this is the last frontier on the road to conquest for God's glory.

I will praise You, O Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.
For great is your love toward me,
You have delivered me from the depths of the grave.

Psalm 86:12-13