FUN AGAIN

Most of today was spent watching my daughter play volleyball with the high school varsity. As I watched her move agilely across the court, two things struck me:

First, I realized that 25 years ago, I was at the very same stadium, in the very same competition, playing the very same game with my high school team.

The combination of nostalgia and pride was great food for my soul.

Second, she seems to be more carefree these days. She no longer looks over her shoulder every few minutes just to check if I'm okay.

She is having fun again.

I don't exactly know why but these two thoughts really made me happy. My relationship with her has never been better because of what we have just gone through as a family.

ANOTHER DOCTOR'S VISIT

I had another visit with my oncologist today. Before going up to her office, I saw one of my co-survivors waiting in her jeep because she could not go up the flight of stairs. She was waiting for the doctor to just check her right there in the parking lot. I found out later that her cancer had already spread to her bones and the metastasis was causing her spinal column to be compacted. She could not yet afford the medication for metastasis that I am also taking, so they are trying to buy time.

I waited for my turn in the lobby, saddened that she could not afford the treatment but thankful that I could. I must really say that I am really blessed to be able to afford all the medications I have had to take, without any insurance at that. This got me to thinking that someday I hope to be in a position to help other cancer patients who have no money to pay for their treatments.

A few minutes after my oncologist finally arrived in her clinic, I was called in. She did the routine check on my collarbone and breast area for possible new growths. We also discussed the need for me to have the mastectomy of my remaining breast and the hysterectomy in February, at the latest. She checked my blood tests and other laboratory results. So far, I'm clear til the next visit.

Well, that is that.

TWO ROUNDS WITH XELODA

Tomorrow, I will complete my second cycle of Xeloda. The instructions from my oncologist say that I must take two tablets of it, an hour after eating breakfast and another two after dinner.

I'm getting the hang of planning my meals around it, and around the other medications I have to take.

After being more vigilant about my physical condition this past year, I can pick up the side effects that are already silently creeping in.

I am becoming more easily fatigued.

Occasionally, I wake up to tingling and numbness on my fingertips. At least, I do not have the more severe symptoms: peeling, blisters, and swelling...yet.

Sometimes, when I stand up I am overcome by dizziness and a pounding heartbeat.

Will it get better, or will it get worse? I don't know.

FAREWELL, MY FRIEND

I received a text message today to inform me that one of my co-survivors in our support group has succumbed to breast cancer. I was just talking to her last week, when we were both waiting for our turn in our oncologist's clinic. She was telling me during our short time together that everytime she thinks of giving up, she changes her mind when she thinks of me.

This is the first time that someone I had walked with in the months of my treatment has passed away. It is a very sobering and saddening thought.

Farewell, Gemma, we will really miss your generous smile. You fought the good fight. Please intercede for us who remain here. See you, my friend.

DULCE'S LAST DANCE

Today's headlines was quite a shocker.

In the early hours of Wednesday morning, a dumptruck passed a red light in one of the intersections of Manila and rammed into a family van, killing one and injuring three others. The most prominent passenger of the family van was Senator Rene Saguisag, a controversial political figure in our country, lawyer of deposed Former President Joseph Estrada.

But, no, his presence in the accident was not what shook me. It was the fact that his wife, Dulce, also a prominent political figure, was the lone fatality. She was a ten-year breast cancer survivor.

How can one begin to find meaning in such a tragedy? Here was a woman who had fought hard to rise above the ravages of breast cancer for ten years, only to die in a tragic road mishap. It appears so senseless. Her son was supposed to get married next month.

I remember the night before I checked into the hospital for my biopsy last January, my 16-year old son had told me at the dinner table: You have to make it, Ma, because I need you to be with me on my wedding day.

The promise I gave my son that night has, on many days, kept me going. During the times when I need to find a vision to focus on, I think of being around when my children celebrate their important moments. That is why I am so sad that Mrs. Saguisag will miss that milestone in her son's life.

The mysteries of life indeed.

In the over-all scheme of life, and death, apparently we are all made equal. If anything, this incident only reiterates to me that the question we should ask should not be how long we live but how well we live each day that is given to us.

The manner of Dulce Saguisag’s death showed the lengths she would go to protect her husband, according to their eldest son, Rene “Rebo” Saguisag Jr.

“As you can see from what happened, she absorbed everything to save my father,” the 35-year-old lawyer told the Philippine Daily Inquirer, parent company of INQUIRER.net. “By and large, that’s how their relationship was.”Partners even on the ballroom floor, Rene and Dulce Saguisag were married for more than 30 years.

“Rene will be lost without Dulce. That’s their relationship,” said Sen. Joker Arroyo, a longtime friend of the couple.

(Quoted from "She Saved the Last Dance for Him" by DJ Yap, Tarra Quismundo)