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Welcome to my personal thoughts and opinions…travels and personal encounters…momentary acquaintances and lifetime connections as I view life through the pink-tinted spectacles of breast cancer.

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December 28, 2007

MY 2007 IN REVIEW

Where have the 365 days gone?


They seem to have flown past me in a flurry of events, emotional highs, physical pain, heartwarming milestones, and great memories in between.

Anyone watching on the sidelines would think we had a terrible year. This time last year, we were about to bury my mother who had died after 100 days in a coma, due to a hospital error. Immediately after burying her, I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Invasive Lobular Carcinoma that had spread to my lymphatic system. It was the deadly triple (estrogen, progesterone and her2neu) negative type, the one that according to doctors does not respond very well to treatment. I was sentenced to a probable survival rate of fifteen percent in the next five years.

Just as I was about to start with my chemotherapy treatment, my dear friend and well-loved mentor, Emy Porter passed away due to cancer. We had watched her fight valiantly and bravely and so her demise was a particularly devastating as well as scary thing.

In Feburary, I began with my chemotherapy treatment. As we fumbled our way through six aggressive cycles, I struggled with the rages of physical discomfort as well as depression. Other than that, I tried to decently mourn the tragic and seemingly unjust death of mother, whom I had taken care of all these years.

In July, we proceeded to Cebu for six weeks of radiation treatment. As soon as we arrived there, my husband's dad and bestfriend, my father-in-law also passed away.



I trudged along the thirty days of treatment in Cebu, mostly alone as my husband had to stay in Iloilo to take care of the kids.

Thinking that at least our days would be easier as soon as my treatment in August was over, we received another blow when we found another growth that forced me to resume with six more cycles of chemotherapy in October.



Difficult work problems also crept up on us and left us shaken and unsure. Added to that were several more challenges that had compounded because of our situation.

Yup, looking back it did seem like a pretty bad one. But looking inwards to what happened in our hearts, it has been a liberating year. For one, I have proven that the bonds that tie our family together are very, very strong. If at all possible, I have come to love them even more deeply. Secondly, we have learned to filter the unnecessary concerns from our lives in order to focus on the more important ones. Third, I would like to think that my heart has become more compassionate, forgiving and generous towards the people around me. Last and most importantly, I have come to a profound understanding of God’s unconditional and total love for me as His child.

Somehow, this was also the year when our family became closer, the children more mature. I became the grateful recipient of God’s overflowing provision which sustained my family through the piling medical bills. I became more attuned with people’s kindness and sincerity. I found many long-lost friends who got in touch with me as soon as they found out what we were going through. I made many new and rich friendships too along the way.


We leave 2007, then, not as battle-weary soldiers but as true conquerors. We have seen the amazing resiliency of spirits that are strengthened by God’s grace and by the love of our dear friends and family who solidly stood by us through our ordeal.


Thank you very much for all your prayers and encouragement. Here's to a prosperous and triumphant 2008 for all of us!



Launch slideshow of my 2007 review here.

December 24, 2007

SURVIVOR CHRISTMAS

Today I am celebrating my first Christmas as a cancer survivor. Beyond the hustle and busy schedule, I can actually see some little but meaningful changes in me.

For one, I have a better appreciation for family gatherings. Preparing for dinners and parties are no longer an obligation in order to make everyone happy. I must say that now I can actually enjoy these get-togethers for what they are meant to be: time to catch up on each other’s lives and to bond.

Secondly, It’s easier to buy gifts now without fretting over the price tag. Saving up for a rainy day is no longer my number one mantra. Although I must say that I have spent quite a fortune this year on my treatment, the fear of lack is no longer controlling me.

Third, I think I really am a much more generous person now. Truth be told, I used to give gifts as payback for services received or as plain tradition. Now, I just enjoy giving, period.

What was once a stressful series of family and community events have become for me a wonderful time to share, give and love.

Merry Christmas to me!

December 14, 2007

A CHRISTMAS FAREWELL

So long, my friend.

I know that throughout all of my life, I have shared many Christmas memories with you. But this time, I must say, I have to let go of you. I’m sorry to say that cancer has forced me to make this painful decision, but we both know it’s for the best.

I can’t begin to imagine enjoying Christmas dinner without you on my plate but I have to be satisfied with fruits and vegetables this time.

I will miss your crispy skin and tender ribs, not to mention your liver sauce.



I do hope that somewhere down the road, I can celebrate Christmas with you again.